Every once in a while S and I get into random bias conversations. This time around we decided to give each other a list of bands and a time period to find one of our favorite pictures of our bias. Then we got on Skype and started ranting about surprise choices, bias switches, and horrible, horrible betrayal. I thought, well, might as well put this up, just so that weird fans know that they are not alone in their strange K-Pop antics. The left is S’s choice and the right is my choice. In the conversation, she is, obviously, S and I’m E. P.S. I take zero responsibility for S’s inappropriate jokes. 2.am. is a scary time of day for her.
(Key & Onew)
E: REALLY?!?! I was expecting Jonghyun shirtless, sexually harassing a very young Taemin but okay…
S: I would feel very greasy if Jonghyun was my bias. Though he is sexy. You picked a really shitty picture of him. It doesn’t even look like Onew. I was expecting Minho, shirtless Minho…Minhoing.
E: Well, I love Minho but I mean…Onew’s smile! He’ll always be my favorite. The boy doesn’t walk, he trips into rooms and then breaks blocks with his bare fingers. That’s talent.
S: He’s going to break someone’s vagina. (*looks at Jung Ah concerned*)
E: That’s never been “proven” but yes.
(G-Dragon & T.O.P)
S: Duck face! But he’s flawless.
E: More like Chuck From Gossip Girl coming for your weave but whatever. Um Sharon, this is like……a weird picture of GD and Daesung is off crying in Japan because you’ve given up on him.
S: Don’t remind me!
(G.O. & Lee Joon)
S: REALLY!? I thought you were going to pick Suho.
E: MBLAQ is like a box of chocolates, I want to devour all of them and then cry into the box. My current love is Lee Joon. But next week I’ll be buying a poster of Seungho.
S: Then, we’ll get along just great.
(Micky & Junsu)
E: TVXQ is mine but you can borrow Micky for now.
S: Junsu is just sprinkling out glitter, Kesha would be so proud.
E: YOUR WIT AMAZES ME.
(Yesung & Donghae)
S: Are you going to join him in that bathtub?
E: Yesung looks like Han Geng here! He’s off in the army, and no one cares and it’s sad, and he doesn’t play sports but he collects bugs. That’s all you really need in a guy.
(Baro & Sandeul)
S: AWWWWWWWW! I want to take Sandeul to bed and tuck him away and then leave and not do dirty things to him.
E: That is the BEST kind of feeling. Oh my god, is Baro wearing a three year old’s shorts?! WOW! Bless his heart. But you need to google “Baro, shirtless, lollipop” now.
(Bang & Zelo)
S: NOT HIMCHAN?! Zelo looks totally psychotic. Is he still considered under-aged? I think we should also put that picture I showed you recently, where certain muscles could be seen.
E: So this is your default option because I wouldn’t allow an NC-17 photograph? What a 360 degree turn…
(D.O. & TaoxKris)
S: You can’t have two! I will hurt you.
E: If they can’t be together in real life – let them be together in this list! (*dead*)
S: “Hey D.O, let’s go do archery and see where the shaft end.”
E: How do you sleep at night?
S: I don’t mind sharing him. I’ll just have Ravi when he’s not around.
E: …Well. Look what we have here – BETRAYAL at it’s purest. Lock your doors.
S: No Hongbin?
E: Yeah no sharing with you. I’m already sharing Leo with Hongbi so no.
S: I mean you can have N.
E: NO ONE WANTS N.
(B-Joo & Hansol)
E: Mortal enemies and their fangirls meet!
S: What happened to GPS guy?
E: GPS is a close second. But Hansol’s eyeliner is too strong.
Brown Eyed Girls
S: She’s brilliant!
E: Princess Ga In. Yes.
E: Why not Queen? Look at all those dead animals.
(Taeyeon & Sunny)
E: I am so MINDBLOWN. What! No! Your bias of 10 years! I might be exaggerating…
S: Seven. She is perfection. Wow that’s a really colorful picture of Sunny!
E: Sunny doesn’t taste the rainbow. She is the rainbow.
(Bekah & Nana)
S: Oh NANA WHAT’S MY NAME~~~~
E: You know she left right…#JusticeForBekah
S: I AM AWARE. You…make me sad. So sad.
(Dara & Minzy)
S: Minzy, eh? You have betrayed Daraism.
E: I love Dara but I stay true to Minzy!
S: REALLY? I love her. She’s been my bias since debut!!!!
E: She has won me with her solo performances and fashion.
E: I mean, she won me because of her bitchy face.
S: Don’t worry Eun Jung, you will steal my heart back!
Solo Male Artist [NOT part of a band]
(Seo In Guk & Park Jung Min)
S: Park Jung MIN!!!
E: All it took was his Japanese album. #SS501Feels/KimHyunJoongHowCouldYou. I didn’t think you liked Seo In Guk that much. He complained about having to shave his entire body once. It’s an interesting interview. You should read it.
S: The things you say though…like these random interviews. Stop reading them.
Solo Female Artist [NOT part of a band]
(IU & Son Dam Bi)
S: Is that Son Dam Bi? I don’t know her face that well.
E: Yes, it is.
S: I hope she’s not attempting to ride that skateboard with those heels on.
E: I love you Seo In Young, I do, but Son Dam Bi’s auto-tuned voice is a gift from heaven that turns me into a disco-club 80s junkie who dated John Travolta. TWICE. Also, look at you, BETRAYING LIM KIM. A lot of betrayal today.
S: BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT…